if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
