I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
