Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize