Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
