i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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