Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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