i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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