5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
