Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
