If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
