Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
