I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
