she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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