not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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