And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
