I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
