I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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