I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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