I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
