OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
