You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
