video games are the ultimate cock blocker
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
