Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
