I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
