you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
