it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I stole a fireplace last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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