Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
