p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize