I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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