on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize