guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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