It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize