Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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