Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish I only lived at night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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