sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
