Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
