I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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