I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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