She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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