i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We need a shit load of segways right now
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
