I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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