Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So vagazzling was a success
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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