lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
