Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
