at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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