hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
