Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
