why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
