And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
