this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
