Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Bring me that man meat
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
