VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
