Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize