he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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