I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
