she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
