Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
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