were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
