My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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