remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
