ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
