I think my fart just growled at me.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
