You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Houston, we have a squirter
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
