He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
