Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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