i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
