I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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