Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
