I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
