Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
