I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
