His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
