why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
