I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
