So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
soo... how was my night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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