Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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