I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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