i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
