u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
