Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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