Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
