Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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