every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
