Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
