Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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