dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
