Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
