you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
