It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
