belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
