McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
