everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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