In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
