Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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